Parent Counselling: The First Session

WHAT HAPPENS DURING A PARENT COUNSELLING SESSION IN THE OFFICE OF SARAH CHANA RADCLIFFE?

In this article, I will describe exactly what happens when you first come to my office with your parenting questions. Each professional has their own way of approaching parenting concerns, so if you have already consulted another mental health professional or, if you consult someone else in the future, you may find that they do things somewhat differently.

With or Without Your Child?

I ask parents to come to their first session of parent counselling without their child. I may decide to meet the child at a later point (especially if the child is an adolescent), but more often, I work only with the parents. Sometimes only one parent comes to the session and sometimes both parents come – this depends mostly on the parents' schedules and availability. If one parent comes, he or she can bring a tape-recorder or take notes during the session to share with the other parent afterwards.

How Does the Session Begin?

The first few minutes of the first session is taken up with filling out a brief name and address form and going over office procedures. This takes about 5 minutes or so. I take the time to explain our cancellation policy, privacy policy and limits of confidentiality. I explain that I do not provide assessment or diagnostic services, nor do I treat mental health disorders.

How Do You Explain Your Child's Problem to Me?

The parents describe the concerns that brought them to counselling. They can present this material in any order they wish – whatever is most pressing or whatever is most recent, or starting at the beginning of the child's life. Eventually we'll get to all concerns, so it really doesn't matter where we start.

Parents often write down a few notes for themselves before arriving at the meeting so that they will remember to say everything that is on their mind. This is a particularly good idea when there are lots of different issues that they want help with or several different children that they want to talk about.

I ask parents questions as they're talking. There are things I am listening out for. As parents are describing their issues I am thinking about possible interventions. I collect information to help me decide which interventions might now work for the particular problem. I always ask parents to describe the things they've tried already so that we don't repeat strategies that didn't work. If they went to other professionals like counsellors, psychologists or psychiatrists, I like to know what advice they were given and how it worked out. Or, if they took a parenting class or read a book, it's helpful to know if they used certain techniques and what results they obtained. If the child ever received a formal assessment for the problem we are now discussing, it's helpful if the parents bring a copy of that along to our session.

What Kind of Help can I Expect to Receive In the First Session?

Since it's important for me to really understand the problems that the parents are presenting and their specific goals for our meeting, I do relatively little talking on that first session. Usually I tell the parents about the strategy or strategies that I'd like to implement with them over the next few weeks and I often ask parents to read something or listen to something in preparation for the work we'll be doing. For instance, they may listen to a podcast that I've prepared on the subject of the first strategy that we'll be using or perhaps they'll read a few pages in the parenting book I've authored – Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice. Or, I might refer them to different book or to some web sites – it all depends on what issue we're trying to address. It is never necessary for parents to do any of this “homework” in order for us to proceed to the next session. This kind of preparatory work is optional and again, depends upon the time and energy constraints (and interest level!) of the parents.

Sometimes we have time for a short intervention in that very first meeting. This might be a quick behavioural strategy to address the presenting problem or a strategy that will pave the way for other strategies that will follow. In some cases I might introduce the option of using Bach Flower Therapy (see the article in this section called “Bach Flower Therapy for Parents”) to help ready the child for behavioural interventions that the parents will be using or to help the parents reduce their own parenting stress, worry or anger.

What Happens at the Next Sessions of Parent Counselling?

At the second meeting, I will follow up with any intervention that I suggested at the first meeting to see what effect it is having and then go on to offer the parents a detailed plan of action for each problem they wish to address. Parent counselling can take as little as one session or two or it can take months – depending on how many children are being discussed and how many issues each child is dealing with. The most common duration for parenting questions is a matter of some weeks with some follow up in the months that follow; in uncomplicated cases, parenting counselling is a brief process. However, parents are welcome to come as long as they want to in order to resolve all their issues and receive on-going support for any aspect of their family life. Many people come for awhile and then finish, returning off and on as new issues arise – and as new children are born into the family! I operate something like something like a pediatrician for such parents – tending to their issues throughout the childrearing years on a per need basis. These days, I am actually helping some grown children of earlier clients to raise their own kids!

I really enjoy helping people solve their parenting problems because I know that the work we do together will make for healthier children and happier families.